PoetryThe Constantly Collapsing Horizon

the world is losing a mother. a fighting spirit. a force for love and good. 

a life of pulling everything together, and making everyone feel like
they belonged. a life of doing so much. i hope she knows how to rest.

i saw her the same day i saw a newborn baby.

death and birth. her eyes fluttered open
like his do. her eyes contained desperation and want. she's still strong.
and i wanted so badly to soothe her pain.
i wanted to reach into her soul and tear it out by the roots.
to grasp the stem of her suffering and pull as hard as i can, up and out

i want her to heal. i know that she can't.

she has a restless and eternal soul,
  it makes me believe in infinity

i saw today that ghosts are real, that little backyard stoops have wordless power.
i saw a silent, enormous, torrential love.

rice pudding is my favorite dessert

and i did not love her as much as i wanted to.
                      i don't know if i possibly could have.
                                    i will miss her forever and ever.

i want so badly to see her again,
laughing and smiling, and talking about my shoes

    my eyes blur when i look too closely
           at the constantly collapsing horizon we all try our best
               to ignore.
      it has come for her. she's near the edge.

it reminds me to love openly and loudly.
   i'll remember her long after she drifts up to meet it.

and she will. she is so strong. stronger than i could ever be. i love her so dearly.
    and i'll just. i will miss her so much.

    the eternal horizon collapsed again. close to me. she was struck by a
      falling piece of it. and she didn't deserve it.

      i looked at the horizon today, and i couldn't look away
        it seared behind my eyes. i couldn't stop seeing it. i still do.

i am so proud of how strong she is. i am proud of how strong her daughter is.

          i am so, so proud of them.

              it shouldn't have to be this way.

rest. i love you. i wish you eternal peace. you deserve it. we all love you
so, so, so much. i'll take care of everything i can. i'll do my best. i'll
always remember how you made me feel at home. you gave me so much faith.

i love you i love you i love you

i'll give you so many hugs when i see you again

❤️ jesse